9 little piggies {got rid of “the one that had none”}

“Well, that was unexpected.” – my thoughts on February so far.

On Saturday, January 30th I began the day going to bootcamp with my girls and their friend. We did lunges, box jumps, wall balls, and several other movements for about 40 minutes. My 4th toe was bothering me, but not any more than it had on and off over the last 7 years. Back then I had had a toe injury that required stitches in the ER, but no one did an x-ray at the time. Long after the stitches healed my toe never looked or felt the same. In fact, it hurt quite a bit. Turns out I had broken the bones in that toe, but found out a couple years too late.

For 7 years the pain came and went each month. Manageable. Until it wasn’t.

A couple hours after bootcamp I was limping. A gnarly infection in the tissue and bone took over – resulting in some of the worse pain I have ever felt (and I’ve had kidney stones, babies, and lots of broken bones). Pain meds. Antibiotics. Surgery scheduled for Friday. However, by Tuesday afternoon I was in the hospital prepping for a toe amputation and was incredibly grateful for the quick action and care of my podiatrist, who is also a friend.

When I got to pre-op the sweetest nurses immediately took care of me – recognizing with a bit of worry that I was about to have the surgery very much alert and awake (I had already ate that day, so anesthesia was out). One actually follows me on instagram and made me feel at ease instantly. The nurse that was going into surgery with me heard me say my name and asked, “Ashley Campbell? As in Chris Campbell’s Ashley?” Almost 10 years before to the day she had traveled to Haiti with Chris after the earthquake. During surgery she kept me distracted. I was a chatterbox the whole time. I could feel and hear everything (local numbing, no pain), so talking was the best way to get through it.

After surgery I was firmly planted on the couch…

Once I got home I began processing God’s tenderness and provision in all of it. I had a friend, who is a podiatrist, that was willing to immediately jump into action and take the best possible care of me. The nurses on call that knew me and put me at ease and kept me calm. The mere fact I was able to get a surgery so quickly. My church small group, family, & friends rallying to provide meals, prayers, and so much support. A lot of people talk about seeing God in his creation, but they often refer to creation as nature. These last 2 weeks I’ve seen His tenderness, love, and provision displayed in another form of His creation – the people in my community.

I have debated what all to share about the post-opt, but in talking to others they encouraged me to share.

Four days after surgery I went in to have the bandages removed and see my foot for the first time. I was totally confident it would not be a big deal for me. I am far more into practical than pretty. “It is just a toe,” is what I thought. Well, it was much harder than I thought it would be. One – I get queasy at the sight and talk of really anything medical. Two – I had been in so much pain prior to surgery that up until that point I only felt relief at the thought of losing my toe. The doctor took off my bandages. I looked and immediately looked away. I ended up almost passing out twice during that visit – a little embarrassing. Evidently it was more than ‘just a toe.’

It has been a week since that day. I cried the next two times I saw my foot. It all happened so fast and it was (and is) still a lot to process. I’ve changed my bandages multiple times since then and it has gotten better. I am am no longer getting ‘shocked’ by the nerves that were cut (that is a whole painful and mind boggling thing too). I’d like to be back at 100%, but I have learned it doesn’t quite work that way with this. Having a wound at the bottom of your body makes things a bit complicated. A few nights ago I had the bandages off and commented to Chris, “I just don’t understand why it still hurts this much.” He just looked at me and laughed, “Yeah, I can’t imagine WHAT could be painful.” – as we both looked at the stitches in the spot I used to have a toe. Point taken Chris.

I’m off all the antibiotics and pain medications now. I can think more clearly and have had a week for the initial shock of it all to wear off. I am 10 days post surgery and am able to walk without crutches (slowly and in my boot). The more I move, the better I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. The better I feel, the more I want to move. And the cycle keeps going in a positive direction.

The opposite is true too. Though physical healing required it, staying on the couch made me tired, a bit depressed, and not at all myself. The more tired and less myself I felt, the more I didn’t want to get up. A cycle I couldn’t wait to have the option to break.

Movement is medicine – my favorite kind to take and I am grateful it is the only kind I am taking now!

(Sidenote: when I can’t climb on the couch I can’t water my plants!)

I have friends and a husband encouraging me to not just ‘it is what it is and push through’ like I normally do with stuff. I tend to default to knowing everyone has hard stuff (usually way harder than me), so I just push through instead of acknowledging the hard. As I heal and as I think about all that has happened in a few short days, I wanted to share some things that have meant a lot to me – in case you have a friend that is down and out for bit:

• Meals – our family and friends coordinated meals without asking me. In the days leading up to surgery and so many afterwards, my family was cared for well. As the primary cook in our house this was a huge burden lifted. In fact after one meal Hudson declared, “I think we all have learned an important lesson here today – mom needs to hurt herself more often.”
• Jokes – this worked for me, but may not be for everyone. It was/is a lot to process, but the jokes and random toe memes my friends sent me made things less serious and kept me laughing.
• Serious check-ins – the texts asking how I was REALLY doing, not just how I was healing physically, but how I was doing in all the other ways
• Acts of thoughtfulness – whether it was cards, flowers, books, things to stay busy with on the couch the little reminders that my friends were thinking of me meant so much to me
• DMs and texts – just little messages checking on me made me feel loved
• Not telling me how to feel or what to do – having others come alongside me that let me feel totally good and fine one day and then wrestle with the idea of flip flop weather the next day; I appreciate that they are letting me sort it all out, how I feel and what I can or can’t do in my own way and in my own time. If you asked me 3 weeks ago how I would feel about wearing flip flops after a toe amputation I would have said it was no big deal. On this side of it, I am not sure how I feel yet. It probably won’t be a big deal, but I don’t actually know because I have not walked that road yet. I appreciate friends that sit in that with me instead of dismissing it.
• Pictures – okay this is a weird and unexpected one. I had several friends ask to see pictures. This could go the wrong way for some people, so I wouldn’t recommend asking unless you really think the person would be good with it. I certainly don’t like looking at the pictures (or my actual foot yet), but having friends that asked to see surprisingly made it feel less lonely. They could see what I was actually dealing with and to my surprise that helped me. So not what I expected!

Whew. That was a long post. I have received numerous messages asking more about what all is going on, so I figured this is the best way to put it all down. I still have a long ways to go recovery wise, but I know one day I will appreciate looking back at this post.

If you are in the greater Tulsa area looking for a podiatrist, I cannot recommend Restoration Foot & Ankle enough. The absolute best medical care I’ve ever received – Dr. Beasley is my hero 🙂

I have enjoyed when people ask, “How is your toe?” Uh – I have no idea. I think it is in a lab somewhere, at least it was. That being said, we are currently trying to name the spot my toe once was….open to your suggestions!