‘who’ not ‘if’ I’ll disappoint
Yesterday, I was looking at old blog posts and putting a few favorites on my blog Pinterest board. The last one I read was about where I want to build my name. Here is an excerpt:
“I don’t have a desire to build a name for myself in the blogging world…The one place I do want to build a name for myself, so to speak, is inside the walls of my home…. among the 5 people I share it with. I’ve got 4 little ones calling me “Mommy”…that is a name I want to work on building. If anyone thinks I am awesome…I want it to be my family. I’ll take their construction paper flowers with jedi lightsabers over any online ranking. I want to rank high with them. I’ve only got a handful of years to do this role right. I don’t get a second chance. When they graduate, I won’t be given an option for a ‘do-over’. This go-around is all I got. When the day closes…and computers are shutting down…they are the ones wrapping little arms around my neck and giving me ‘one more’ kiss goodnight.”
I wrote that post 5 years ago. It is wild to think I’ve been blogging for over 8 years now and I still feel the exact same way. The people I want to ‘rank’ high among are those in my daily life – the ones wrapping their arms around me and my imperfections each night.
After reading that old post, I logged into the admin area of this blog to check comments and found the one below. I have since deleted it (to protect the person who left it):
“I use to look forward to your “daily” blog. What happened? There is no set pattern, sometimes it’s daily, sometime it goes days in between postings, are you trying to stop this blog? If you don’t want to do it daily anymore, why not set up regular time i.e. Twice weekly, once a week, just something on a regular basis, please. It is very disappointing to check and find nothing there. Thank for listening.”
I understand where she is coming from. I do. I am sure many of you feel the same way she does. There is a beautiful community here and I get that it is disappointing to stop by and find nothing new. For years, I posted daily. For years, so many of you welcomed me to be a part of your morning routine. I am so humbled and grateful for that. I hope you continue to stick around, even when I am not as reliable to you as I once was.
My blog continues to change as much as the paint color in my living room changes. If this blog looked like it did 8 years ago or even 2 years ago – that would make me sad. It would mean either I didn’t change or I was blogging according to how others wanted me to blog. I’m a different person. My daily life looks different. This blog will look different.
Everyday I will disappoint someone – a hard reality to accept. I could pretend that it is possible to please everyone, but in the end it would be a disaster in so many ways – for me and others. The question for me is not if I will disappoint, but who I will disappoint.
I am a full time mom. I homeschool 5 kids. I run an online business. I have zero scheduled work hours. I don’t have a housekeeper or nanny. Each day I have to choose where I spend my time. I absolutely do not want to stop blogging. However, if an intended blog post has not been written and bedtime rolls around and a kiddo wants me to lay by his side – I’m going to choose to not write that blog post.
If I schedule myself an hour in the afternoon to get a post written for the next day and a friend stops by – I’m going to sip coffee and listen to that friend instead of stick with my to-do list.
You all have been so supportive of me over the years. I, in no way, like or want to disappoint any of you. However, there are times I chose to disappoint others here in order to not disappoint those who my time is so limited with. I hope you understand.
For those wanting a schedule here, my aim is to still post 3-5 times a week. I loosely aim at posting M-W-F, but sometimes I have something for T & Th. My goal last week was M-W-F, but Thursday night I stayed up around a campfire with friends I have not seen in over a year. I listened to their hearts and shared mine. I let the planned blog post slide and it was the very best decision. It is an honor to cultivate an online community here, but I don’t want to cultivate online what I am not first cultivating face-to-face.
Thank you for sticking with me all these years as this blog grows and changes along with me. I hope you’ll continue to show me grace and hang around for the years to come!
Since I am not posting regularly on a schedule, here are some ways to be notified when I do post:
Feedburner (email notification)
I do post almost daily on Instagram @underthesycamore
