helping kids take on challenges
Last week I shared a little clip on Instagram Stories about Hudson overcoming fears in regards to speaking in front of others. I was asked how he overcame those fears, so I thought it would be easiest to answer that question here…where I have more space! March is the like the month of Hudson on this blog 😉
A little backstory: We began a homeschool co-op five years ago. We meet once a week with our homeschool community and each student gives a 3 minute presentation in their individual classes. The type of presentation is assigned each week (Demonstrative, Narrative, Persuasive, Informative, Impromptu). From the 4 year olds to the 6th graders – each student presents something each week.
Our first year my oldest 4 were all old enough to be in classes, which meant they were all giving presentations. Three out of the four jumped right in without a problem or hesitation. Then there was Hudson.
I have asked Hudson for permission to share his story.
It was PAINFUL as a mom to watch him at home and on campus. The days leading up to our campus day, he would get so anxious and nervous. He would stand in front of the bathroom mirror and practice OVER and OVER again. He was in 2nd grade at the time. He would cry and ask to get out of doing it. When he would stand up in front of his class, he’d turn bright red, stutter, and barely make it through. It was so hard. Now 5 years later the kid is always up for a performance and doesn’t think twice if you ask him to speak in front of others.
When he gave his Will Rogers presentation last week I was beaming in the audience. Sometimes kids face hard challenges and they overcome them quickly. However, some challenges are long and hard and overwhelming and you don’t realize they been overcome until one day it just hits you.
So how did Hudson go from painfully anxious to be in front of others to a kid who races to a stage? It was a LONG process and it came with countless tears from both of us.
One the of the hardest parts of parenting for me is knowing exactly when to push my kids and when to pull back. I don’t shy away from hard things and it is important to me that my kids learn to do hard things even when everything in them wants to quit. With Hudson, we talked a lot about the root of his fears, which turned out to be fear of making a mistake and others laughing at him. Then we talked about what would happen if that worst fear came true. Hudson is naturally witty and funny, so it was important to me that he also realize sometimes people laughing at him is a truly wonderful thing – for them and for him.
Once we tackled the root of his fears, we practiced each presentation A LOT. He learned how to naturally work in humor and how to improvise when he made a mistake. It wasn’t easy for him and it required a lot of energy and time on my part. From me it took being in tune to him to know when to help him push through tears and when to pull back and give him a break. It took me being engaged fully – over a long period of time. And – it took him trusting me in the midst of the struggle.
I thought I would do a little interview with Hudson…
Do you remember why you were scared to do presentations?
I think it was because I didn’t want people to laugh or make fun of me if I messed up.
Are you scared of that happening now?
No.
Why?
Because I’ve learned if I do mess up I can laugh at myself.
How did you learn that?
Ummm (with a smile) I don’t know. I guess just a lot of practice. A lot of presentations. I don’t know.
Were you ever mad at me for making you do presentations when you didn’t want to do them?
Yes.
Now that you are older, are you happy I made you keep doing them?
Yes.
Could you see yourself performing on stage one day?
Maybe.
Obviously he was in the mood to give me well thought answers – or not ;). It makes smile that he can barely remember the season he was anxious to speak in front of a group. I asked him if he remembered practicing over and over in front of him mirror – he had no recollection of it. On the other hand, it is etched in my memory. Parenthood.
When it comes to having 5 kids people will often comment on the expense – like groceries or college – as what is the most difficult. Honestly, for me the hardest part is being engaged, in tune, and available to each of them. If I want my kids to learn to do hard things, to push themselves, to face fears – they need me right there with them and I want to be there. The context of our home is the safest place for them to fail and we aren’t afraid of failure around here. Never trying the things that come hard to us or never developing a work ethic that keeps going when things get difficult – that is far scarier to me.
It is easy to write those things, but it is a lot harder to put into practice because it involves time. I can’t speak for any mom but myself – I know for me 99% of the time I chose not to push my kids to do or try something hard it is because I don’t want to put in the work and effort it would require from me to help them have the tools they need to face the challenge.
As I wrestle with that reality, it plays out in a number of ways for me. The biggest one is obviously where I put my time. I don’t blog as much. I don’t craft often. I rarely do a DIY. I’m not a gourmet chef. My garden is a fenced in patch of weeds. Not doing those things is NOT a personal sacrifice I am making. They are just ways I am choosing what is better for me and my kids in this season. And let me tell you – seeing Hudson on that stage singing and making jokes to 7 different audiences was so much better than crafting, painting or anything else I once had more margin for. It is simply the season I am in and I am learning each day to see the remarkable, but fleeting beauty of it. All too soon this season of parenthood will change…for now, I’m doing my best to be all in.
A lot doesn’t get done around here each day. Chores are overlooked. To-do list items linger. Emails aren’t answered. Texts are missed. Opportunities are turned down. So many ‘balls being dropped’, but on the other hand with each ball dropped something wonderful is often being caught…and it is usually in the form of connecting with one of my favorite 6 people.
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