what will they remember?

Two years ago I attended the Catalyst Conference.  I filled up page after page of notes from the conference and continue to be challenged by so much of what the different speakers shared. Brene Brown spoke on being vulnerable. One of the things she said was, “you can choose comfort or courage, but you can’t have both.” Those words come to my mind all the time in so many different facets of life. Andy Stanley challenged the audience that it is better to make a difference than to make a point. John Acuff reminded me that I can never out dream God. Craig Groeschel spoke of the beauty of being known for what you are FOR not what you are against.

Erwin McManus poured out words to my creative soul on what it means to be uniquely human and reminded me to Go. Dream. Risk. Create. And Make because I was made to make.

Another speaker to take the stage was Reggie Joiner. What he shared was both my least favorite and favorite. He had a large jar of marbles on the stage with him. Each marble represented one week most parents get with their kids from birth through year 18. Each week a marble is removed. It was a visual picture of how little time we get with our kids and how quickly we lose that time. Part of me felt really depressed and yucky inside about the whole thing. It just felt negative. The other part of me appreciated the punch in the gut. Reggie shared how when we visually see how much time we have left it often brings great focus and intention to our lives. One of his main points was after we die really the only people that will remember us are those that know us now. With a little time, the memory of our lives fades except among those that are the very closest to us. What we pour out into those closest to us – that is what lasts after we are gone.

I’ve been thinking about what my kids will remember about me. Not necessarily when I am gone from this earth, but in general. When they think of me now and when they think of me years from now…what will they remember?

Will they remember patience or a short temper?

Will they remember more laughter than heavy sighs?

Will they remember me as a mom that smiled often?

How will my voice sound in their head? It is soft and soothing or coarse and hard?

Will they think of me as one that slowed down and really heard them or one that just rushed about?

Will they have felt more important than my to-do list, my work, my phone?

Will they feel that I truly saw and heard them?

What will they think of when they picture Chris and I together?

I am thankful I am given today with them and I hope I am given decades to come. So much I want to pour out into them and build up in them. I want to write a beautiful story on their hearts. One response. One spoken word. One facial expression at a time.

After looking through pictures of the kids and I, a couple thoughts come to mind: 1. It is easy to be a mom in pictures. 2. I hope I smile as much in the day to day as I do in pictures. 3. The two older boys that do not like ‘selfies’ with their mom are going to have to get over it.

What are some things you think of when you think of your parents? The good and the not so good (if you feel comfortable sharing)….