when they leave

Sometime around the start of each year Chris and I talk about things we want to do better and areas of our lives we want to grow. Early this year we talked a lot about hospitality. It is an area that has almost been non-existent for us other than birthday parties and holidays. Having young children – and a handful at that –  just makes the idea of hosting others in our home seem impossible. At least it did. As much as we wanted to host others in our home, we just didn’t know how we could practically manage it without total chaos and stress ensuing. Not to mention our kids never remember to close the bathroom door – no guest wants to see that!

But this year, we decided to try. So many of our great memories have taken place in the homes of friends. Instead of trying to figure out how to make it happen despite having a young family, we are trying it because we have a young family. We love the idea of learning how to be gracious hosts and our kids learning alongside us. So, it has been a family affair.

It is funny how in all the years previous we didn’t seem to have many opportunities to host others. Then once we decided we wanted to try – well, we’ve had lots of opportunities. The kids help me get things ready – making beds, folding towels, filling snack baskets, writing welcome notes on the chalkboard. They are supposed to help me clean…that is a hit or miss.

This year we’ve been given the gift of hosting friends when their power went out, a man who wrote a book on hospitality (that wasn’t intimidating at all!), another author, bloggers, a visiting from Africa, photographers, old friends and new friends. My kids have been exposed to so many incredible people. We’ve sat around the dinner table and talked about those that have come in and out of our home and how much fun it is to learn a little more about them.

I love that for my family. For me. For my kids.

BUT…..I so struggle with hospitality.

I want it all to be perfect.

It is NEVER perfect.

This year we’ve left outdoor lights blazing into the room where our guests slept. I’ve taken guests on a tour of the house to realize the kids did not pick up and the whole upstairs looked like a bomb went off. We forgot to turn up the hot water heater in the guest bathroom and 3 sweet gals had to take cold showers two nights in a row (girls you totally should have told me!). I’ve messed up lunches for friends passing through. Had to apologize when a guest walked barefoot in my kitchen where someone dropped a bunch of pretzels.

It is never perfect.

When our last overnight guests left Chris asked me how I was feeling. I began listing all the things that I wish I had done differently. He gently reminded me of something he had read…that entertaining is about the host, but hospitality is about the guest.

Hospitality. That is what I want.

He reminded me that what was important was how our guests felt when they were in our home and when they left.

So, maybe all the ‘imperfections’ I see when I host are really little perfections. Our home is not ‘perfect’. I am not a ‘perfect’ host. But, we do genuinely love those that come and stay, whether the visit is an hour or a few days. So, maybe there are legos and dolls covering the upstairs floor and pretzels that haven’t gotten swept up. If I wait until my home and my hosting abilities are ‘perfect’, I’ll never invite anyone over because that day will never come.

I will never be a ‘perfect’ host with an immaculate home because…well that is just impossible. (written while one child is making faces with his face pressed against the window).

So, next time we have guests and Chris asks me how I’m feeling after they leave. My response will be, “I hope they felt loved.”

At the end of the day that is really what I want people to leave my home with…not a false impression that my home is spotless and I’m perfect. I want them to leave feeling loved.

And because I really do want to grow as a hostess and find special ways to make guests feel loved and at home….what are little and big things others have done for you when you’ve been in their home? Please share!