ashleyannphotography.com » Under the Sycamore

Cara - So fun! I am running this with my daughters next month and have been trying to figure out how to take pictures without ruining my camera. Did you take your DSLR, or phone, or just a small camera. Any help/tips would be great!
Thanks!

Necole @seriouslysassymama - That looks like super fun. I just may have to do it next time it rolls around here.

Kimberly Troth - How cool! One is coming to our area this summer and I so want to do it but I’m NOT a running. What an AWESOME Mommy/Son date

Christi - What a super fun Mama you are! xo

Kari - I have to know, too, did you take your DSLR? My girlfriends and I are going to run it on May 11th and I keep going back and forth whether I should take it or not.

Cayla - I love your pictures! I was there too, my very first 5k, and this is a great, fun run for starters!! I wish I had seen you there. Haha, I probably did and just didn’t realize it

Lisa-Marie - AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful experience and an awesome date!

kelleyn - Isn’t it such a fun run! I did the color run a couple of weekends ago. It was so much fun! Glad you had a great time. Next time I want to take my children with me!

Jacci - Awesomeness!!!! That is SO fun!!! I love the shots you got. Tons of energy and life in those pics.

I admit I almost had heart failure when you nonchalantly mentioned the color was on your lens. :O Thanks for the clarification there at the end. I can breathe normally now

ashley jensen - My group lost each other once it started since we all went at our own pace, but we found each other at the end. Waiting in that massive crowd for an hour was torture for me. I get really claustrophobic. Might have to take my girl next year. I bet I would have a lot more fun with her since she really loves to get messy and she loved our mini Color Run in the backyard.

Sara - What are the “HAPPY” tattoos (?) that all of you have? Were they part of the run or are they something else?

Kelley J - My husband and I did a color run in November. It’s one of the happiest things I’ve ever done. It’s worth it to have some sort of camera to document the event. I have photos of the day both on my desk at work and at home. Makes me smile every time I look at them. I bet your son(s) will feel the same way when they remember your colorful day!

Jen - What an awesome mom & son date! I love that you make an effort to carve out one-on-one time with each of your children. It must have made your boy feel so special. I melt too when my girl holds my hand

Sarah - This looks like so much fun! I’ve always wanted to run a color run, but never thought about bringing the Littles too.

Dana - EEEP! This has me so excited for our run in Montreal in June! Thank you for sharing your experience (and your camera advice!)

Kiley - This is great! So special! I hope to do this with my son one day. First he needs to get walking down

Michele Ebert - How old do you think a little boy would need to be do this? My son is 6 and I have a feeling he would love it. I never thought about taking him. Great idea!!!

Jenn Hays - Our family is doing our first color run in August-we are so excited!

Sarah - This looks like soooo much fun! I went back to see your post where you ran with your first born. Makes me wanna run, eventhough I might actually walk it! But I don’t live in the US! Might visit a friend in Houston in August and actually looked on the website for dates then! One day… x

Lachalle - So beautiful wrote and for whatever reason you were given the courage , strength and the peace to write this now in your words . Well done. I found little one beautiful on both smiles she wore in her life. Some say words hurt yes that maybe true but I also find that sometime no words need to be said to hear what has been felt. You are amazing woman and inspiring me in so many ways. I salute you . ~L~

Katie T - Wow! Just…wow! Thank you for being so honest. Your daughter was/is beautiful and I envy your big, gnarly, scar because it comes from such a beautiful place!

Lisa - I’m reading this with my 4 year old looking on. We got to the last photo and she asked me what Little One’s name is. I told her I didn’t know so she decided to name her Trixie LuLu. So Little One has a new nickname! Thanks for sharing your heart. That’s one reason I come back every day…to read what a real mom is feeling and thinking.

Debbie C - Ashley, thanks for sharing this, for opening up our eyes to true beauty. I think we’ve all been touched and changed by following your adoption journey with you.

Amanda - Love this post, Ashley. So well written… You’re so right, your daughter has always been beautiful! Unfortunately, sometimes people can be ugly – in their reactions and responses. Her smile, whether before or after the surgery – has always come from a place of joy. And that’s the most beautiful part of all! Seeing that joy is a true gift from God. Hugs to you!

Megan - I was born with cleft lip and it wasn’t until I found you that I found any beauty in it.

Little one has always been beautiful. You are beautiful, inside and out. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Diana - Just discovered your blog. I’m in tears with your post. Your daughter and you are so beautiful in all the sense of the word…inside and outside…thanks for sharing your experience, really thanks!! Muchos besos desde Madrid!!

barny - so beautiful, i thank you for sharing this with us.

I should stop reading your posts on my break at work as they always tear me up. such a raw honest insight. I find your words so very inspiring in their honestly.

xx

karen - that’s so beautiful ashley.

Danielle - I am so sorry that you felt the incredible emotions with this experience with your little one. I certainly hope that the world is not always as harsh as you seemingly describe your experience. No doubt, there were “those” people who you certainly had to face, whose hearts came from an ugly place, and as a person who does not have a child with any obvious physical difference, maybe I have the luxury of feeling the way I do, but I hope that most people stared out of curiousness, because your daughter’s lip was different, not to be mean, but curious. As human being’s we notice obvious differences, but sometimes we don’t know what to do when we see them. As a child, I would stare at things or people that were different, but there was no meanness intended, and I can’t help but think that is what most human beings do. Plus, you’re sort of famous. Maybe they recognized you, knew your story, maybe they were starstruck? I can’t possibly know what your experience was as an individual, but I have so much faith in humankind, that I’d like to believe that most people come from a good place, or a place that may be sometimes clouded by a lack of knowledge. Your daughter is beautiful, as our most people, inside and out. I’m hopeful that you take away from this experience the beauty of it all, with faith that most people are inherently good and that stares are just often something humans do, not out of meanness, but out of human nature. Thank you for sharing your story, as it touches me deeply. I look forward to reading it all the time. You are a great mom, that much is clear. Keep your chin up and know that you have love from far away places for the stories you share and the person you are.

Leigh Ann King - I started following your blog while you were in China getting Little One. I have thought from the first picture that I saw that she was beautiful! Sure she is different, but that is part of her and part of what makes her beautiful! Your post today, especially the last part, made me think of the song, “Heal the Wound”. It is a great song about God’s grace and mercy. I enjoy watching your family grow!

Ashley T. - Thank you.

Some Chick - Hi ya, I love your blog and you’re so talented.
I have a child with a disability, I don’t think 4 months was enough time for you to get used to the stares and whispers, but given enough time you would off and learnt not all of them had bad intensions and it’s normal and ok for people to look and yes sometimes react, it takes time to get the skills needed to deal with the true rude ones, if you are having this much heartache still you may need some help or suppoet for yourself, you may have something offered in your area to support carers.
God bless and take care.

Sadie - Ashley, I have been following your blog for quite some time. The first time I laid eyes upon Little One, I was in love. Her smile was the true definition of beauty. Not her headband, but her precious smile. Her smile is one that brings true joy to my heart. I hate that you had to deal with people seeing her smile through the worldly ways. I am sure it hurt worse to watch your boys see it too. Her smile is contagious and I simply adore it.

Ryan - I still remember the first time I saw Little One’s picture.

My first thought (and I think I said this to you) was how in the world are you every going to be able to say “no” to those big, beautiful brown eyes!? LOL! I would be powerless over those beautiful brown eyes.

And then I kept thinking what a lucky girl – to have a family who loves her so much, literally counting the days until she came home.

LO will have struggles, as every child does. She may have more, or different, struggles than most kids in the US. But how lucky is she to have the warriors around her, taking care of her heart every step?

Way lucky.

Lynn - Thank you for sharing these thoughts today. The courage and strength you have shown during the entire process of adoption and bringing your adorable daughter home is an inspiration too so many. Little One is a beauty inside and out just like her Mommy !!!

Laura@Ms Smartie Pants - What beauty you have shared from your heart. You have opened my eyes to things I had not thought about before. My mom was born with a cleft lip and pallet and a club foot. I never thought about what that must have been like for her as a child or how my grandmother or my mom’s siblings must have gone thru. I had always only thought about the surgery, not the rest of the world. when my mom was a child and had her surgeries her mom would have to leave her at the hospital and was only able to come on Saturday’s to see her, can you imagine that? I’m so glad healing has taken place for both of you and I’m saddened by people’s responses.

Sarah - As always, thank you for your beautiful words. You have a way of wording your life that just makes me want to be a part of it.

But the question, for me, that you didn’t answer- is what SHOULD people say? Of course, your daughter is beautiful- all of us following you for the past several years knows that. That’s undisputed. And yes, people shouldn’t have stared, pointed, etc. But perhaps they were just wondering what was ‘wrong’ with her. The same way you see someone with a cast- you think, “I wonder what happened?” Not in a mean way. Not in a cruel way. But when anyone has any physical ailment, that’s noticeable, as a compassionate human being, you wonder and therefore care about them.

I probably have been the person to comment on the flower headband or bald cancer patient’s pretty scarf, but should I say, “I see that you are sick…” “I see that you have ______ ?” That seems rude. So I stick to the clothing, scarf, etc. Keeping it neutral.

So I’ve honestly wondered, because I do hear people make comments, like you just did, but I’m not staring, I’m not being mean, I am honestly, and completely just being compassionate. But I want to do that without being rude.

So what should I say? Was there any example of someone who said “just the right thing?” I’m curious because it is a hard situation and it seems that no matter what people do, we always get it wrong.

Kelley M - That is so beautifully written. We are a week into our travel approval wait, and on the other side of the world, a beautiful 3 year old little girl waits. She too is CL/CP, but already repaired (not sure about her palate, though). I won’t get to know that smile from our daughter. In a way I’m happy for her because we do live in such a cruel world that assesses beauty levels from an exterior point of view, not from the beautiful personality that comes from within. However, I’m sad to have missed that part of my daughter’s childhood.

Katie M - You bring me to tears. Thank you. I have a daughter with congenital facial differences…after 9 years and numerous surgeries we are still surprised when others notice her differences, because they have become part of the beautiful normal for her and our family.

Sarah - I am with you. I want to believe in a world where people are not judged by what they look like, but for who they are. How could people not see her beautiful, silky hair or the depths of her eyes? But the world is not that way. My heart aches for you, with you, at how inconsiderate, uncompassionate, and unloving people can be. It amazes me that God chooses to love us even though we don’t deserve it.

Debbie - I remember when I first started reading, Firecracker was in the hospital with her broken leg. How long ago was that? I guess I have been reading at least 2 years. I remember reading your posts about adoption and rooting for you and even through my computer screen, I had a hard time at first when you posted the photos of your darling girl after you adopted her. I knew she had a cleft lip but I just didn’t know how to prepare my heart for how I would feel when I first saw it. I felt guilty instantly for not seeing the beauty in her. And I don’t even know you and I didn’t see her in person! But I found myself staring through the computer at the first photo you posted. But somehow, through seeing her photo many many more times, and through reading your words, I grew to see her beauty beyond the cleft lip. And then she had her surgery, and I missed her old smile too. I wanted to tell you that your blog and your words and your message is a blessing to me. You have helped me to become more accepting of cleft lips! I haven’t seen anyone in person born that way, but I know now that if I did, it would make me think of your story instantly, and I would look at them with love and compassion and not with disgust. God is working through your story and your daughter to change hearts. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your story.

Erin A - Very beautifully written; I could really feel the love you have for your daughter. You have amazing strength and courage. Your Little One was and will continue to be a gorgeous girl.

Jenni - Thank you Ashley! I thought you might enjoy this is a poem, written by Missionary to India in 1900′s, Amy Carmichael:

Hast thou no scar?

No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land,
I hear them hail they bright ascendant star:
Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?
Yet, I was wounded by the archers, spent.
Leaned me against the tree to die, and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed me, I swooned:
Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?
Yes, as the master shall the servant be,
And pierced are the feet that follow Me;
But thine are whole. Can he have followed far
Who has no wound? No scar?

-Amy Carmichael-

Seamingly Sarah - How could someone make fun of her cleft lip or even stare? I understand a child staring if they haven’t seen it before, but adults? I know several people born with cleft lips and even though you can still see the scar I don’t stare at it anymore than I would a freckle on their face. When will the entire world see the beauty that God put on Earth? It’s beautiful simply because God made it, not because we have standards and definitions for beauty.

Kari - I’ve followed your blog for years now, and even got to come to one of your snapshots classes. I’ve only left maybe 2-3 comments over the last few years but I can’t resist. Your words change my life almost every day. The way you live your life, the words you use, the example you set for me, I can never repay that sort of gift. I know you’ve changed a little girl’s life from China, but I want you to know that you’ve done the same for me. So thank you.

Crystal - Wow, so beautifully written. You are such an inspiration. You and your family are beautiful….inside and out!

tara // etsetara - beautiful. thank you for sharing.

not sure if you’ve read “little bee” [hard, hard book!] but i love this quote:

“On the girl’s brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”
? Chris Cleave, Little Bee

Jessica - I wonder how many of those who were really unkind, actually see the beauty in themselves. I’d love to see someone saved them from the judgement and perimeters that they may have put on your daughter, but also that they put on themselves. Knowing they use those same judgements to decide whether they are beautiful and society is left with people who don’t see their own beauty or see it wrongly. And the pain that causes others and themselves is terrible. Not knowing that is our heavenly father ( we are all made in his image) who is beautiful. And we can’t help but be beautiful as he shows himself in us, in every way he made us. As a photographer I love to see photography coming from a place where true beauty is recognized. I love that you are a voice carrying Gods truth on this matter. How hopeful is that!?

Keilah - Beautiful!

Roxana - Thank you for sharing from your heart. I have been following your family’s journey for some time now, and have been blessed (and very often been moved to tears to see how God has worked in you and your family as He’s brought all of you together. I am so sorry to hear that you and Little One (and your other children) have endured mean stares and pointing. It’s so sad to hear. I’m from Chicago, so I’m especially sad to hear that people around here weren’t any nicer. Human nature, in general, doesn’t know how to confront pain; probably because our tendency is to avoid it at all costs. I learned this when we went through the trial of losing our first baby. I was hurt and disappointed when many friends and family pretended like nothing happened, or simply said insensitive and thoughtless things. Much like people would look at Little One and comment on her headband rather than on how beautiful she is! I love what you say about scars. I think it’s only through the Grace of Christ that we can be thankful for pain, and for the change that He works in us by it. And we can also be thankful for the beautiful evidence that’s left behind by our scars . Thank you again for sharing!

tara - That would be so hard! It kind of reminds me of that story where the bird bakes the bread and nobody helps but then eats it all. Like everyone before would stare and sometimes be rude, but now that she’s had surgery they’re more than willing to compliment her and it feels like they cheated kind of? Does that make sense? Anyway, your little girl was beautiful before and after the surgery!

Erika - When I was 6 years old I began loosing my hair in patches. A condition called Alopecia. By 6th grade all the hair on my head was gone. Your post about all the stares, hard comments, well meaning but hurtful people could not hit closer to home. I wept. As an adult I became a high school teacher and feel in love with all my students. And that love was even deeper for every child that experienced those stares and harsh words. The thing that struck me the most about your post is what an incredible mother little one has. That you have a fierce love and protection for her. How much you adore her with and w/o her cleft. What a heartbreaking amount of pain she has had to endure in her short life and I can already envision the compassionate, beautiful, strong woman she will become. Blessings on you and your family!

Kaelee - That little girls smile is, and always has been, beautiful. She had my heart wrapped around her finger from the very first picture you posted about her. People with apparent differences, in appearance or actions, bring out both the best and the worst in people. I guess they bring out the truth in others, be it ignorance which results in fear or rudeness, or curiosity, kindness, understanding, and empathy. I do think it is sad that so much of humanity is focused on the differences in appearance, and haven’t been taught that a cleft lip, or any other difference in appearance, makes someone no less human than everyone else. I am glad that i have an even better understanding of how to teach my children about people who look a little different then themselves from reading your story.

Sally - Beautiful post. Beautiful family. Thanks for sharing! Wow.

katie - my oldest daughter lost most of 3 fingers on her right hand 2 years ago in an accident when she was 5. the Lord has told me over and over again that this “hand difference” will only make her more beautiful, and i believe Him, but you are SO right on about hurting for the way our world see beauty. one of the first things she said to us the morning after the accident was that people were going to make fun of her. i was pretty much speechless because i knew that she was right…and how SAD was it that this knowing statement was made by a kid who hadn’t even started Kindergarten yet?! i am so thankful that i am privileged to be able to teach my children of a Beauty that the world knows not. and that the One who created that beauty is One who can teach us to embrace – or even to cherish – our scars. (ps. God is using you in such a powerful way!!!!!)

Jenni - You inspire me. Every day that you chose to post something. I don’t think I would be as good as you in that situation. The way you look at things has changed me:)

Heather - I think we are kindred spirits. I have three children. They are all adopted from China, and they all have cl/cp. My middle child is a boy. His cleft was bilateral, no floor to his nose, over growth of the premaxilla, and he had front teeth in the pre maxilla. He also had exotropia of the left eye and his left eye is smaller. Talk about stares! I had already been through it once, but I was heart broken with the horrible comments and stares. I actually left from a child’s birthday party at church and cried for days. The thing is, like you, I loved that face. I loved the faces of all three of mine before being repaired. I love their faces now also, but there is something special about a cleft lip. I just think it is beautiful! I feel sorry for those that can’t see that.

Katie - Not to sound flip or naive (as in I NEVER look at anyone else differently…because, as humans, we take in those differences on everyone and anyone…they are what make up uniquely HIS). That being said, unless you have a post such as this one that specifically calls out Little One’s physical uniqueness, I don’t even notice anything different in photos of her. When reading this post, I had to go through the photos several times to really notice the difference in her appearance.

Since you first showed her face in photos, and ever since, I have always been drawn to her eyes. They show her true spirit and faith!

(All of this may be easier for me, as well, having grown up with an aunt who had a severe cleft scar as a result of faulty surgeries when she was younger and also growing up with my best friend (also adopted) as she went through all the surgeries during her childhood and teen years. So, from a young age, I had an understanding of the medical condition involved)

Manon - What a gorgeous little girl you have! You are a lucky mother! My daughter is deaf, I know in a certain kind of way what you are going thru… These differences make us be so proud of them, of their strenght, their courage… Thanks for your great post, I wish everyone could read it!

AMy - Oh how I have enjoyed reading your journey! Little One is a beautiful child of GOd, I’ve never glimpsed anything different. A gorgeous child.

I grew up with a sister with a cleft lip and palate. She is now 47 and most people wouldn’t even know it. Her nose (in her words…is misshapen) but I see character. I’d like to think it doesn’t define her… that she defines it.

My Mom only spoke to me about the process once… but told me that when E was a newborn, they drove to Minneapolis, left her at the hospital, and they were called when she was ready to come home. I can’t even imagine leaving my child for 2 weeks. Again at 18 months and 28 months. I think it speaks strongly about who E is now… not much for warmth and snuggles (probably didn’t get any in 1965 hospital)

It is pretty obvious to your readers, you are creating children who will define their journey. Keep on with your incredible job!!

Debbie C - This is a bit off topic, but I just wanted to say that your home is featured on A Beautiful Mess today, and it was so interesting to learn the back story of your home! Beautiful photos, as always.

jeannett - I so get this. In a different way. My girl looks “normal” and perfect…until she uses her walker to get around. And then there are stares. Some downright rude, some out of curiosity, and many with pity in their eyes. Somedays it’s easier to just use a stroller to get around. Somedays my heart can’t be brave. Somedays my tongue bleeds from biting it. Somdays I get home, send the kids out to play and have a meeting with Ugly Cry. Heaven will be amazing. I can’t wait.

Clare - I have not commented on your blog until today, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your honesty and courage. I have always thought your daughter is beautiful and you are so brave! Your blog is inspiring to me and you were especially inspiring today. Thank you for sharing!

Kristin S - Beautifully put.

vickie - Your daughter is beautiful and a very lucky girl to have a caring and loving mother. I too have a daugther with cleft lip, only difference is that i was also born with a cleft lip. My only advice is to be strong for you both, she will be fine.especially having lots of love and support <3

Kerri - Thank you for letting yourself be vulnerable and sharing your experience. I love the story God is writing with your family!

Lubka - Hi Ashley, I just want to say that there was a reason why you got that daughter. God knew you are strong enought to deal with it all. I dont know you but I feel so proud of you.

Lubka, Slovakia

Katie @ Pintertesting - A few weeks ago, I found your blog and read through your adoption story from start to present. I’m not married and I don’t have any children, but I was just captivated by how adorable she was in your posts about your time in China. Her eyes! Her smile! What a personality! It was like you were all born to be together.

sophibelle - Beautiful before and beautiful now. ?

Kelsey - I loved this. You have always done such a wonderful job at giving us eyes to see Little One the way you see her and to see the beauty of the “imperfect.” We just adopted a Chinese baby with Down’s syndrome and I’m still not sure how to help people know how to talk about our girl. It’s a little challenging because her asian features sometimes mask the DS features so I often catch people studying her trying to figure out if she is “just” asian or if something is “wrong.” Of course nothing is wrong. She was perfectly and wonderfully made. Her extra chromosome is a gift – without it she wouldn’t be our girl! I want people to know that, while we will grieve the challenges of that she will face in her life because of DS, we will never grieve the way she was created. I would never wish away the very thing that makes her who she is.

When we first began our adoption journey, a dear friend told me she kept thinking of the word “educator” whenever she would pray for us. That word has become a true prophetic word over us as we have navigated the questions and comments about adoption in general, in addition to special needs adoption. I think it is easy for those of us in the adoptive community to fall into being DEFENSIVE in an effort to DEFEND our families’ choices and our children. But every time I feel myself getting defensive at a question or stare or comment, I think about that word – EDUCATOR – and remind myself that most questions come from a place of ignorance and innocence and that I have an opportunity to inform and educate. I think you do that so well. You are an educator. You let others into the truth of who your girl is and you teach them how to see her. I am thankful for your blog and for the top-notch education you give us. Thank you for sharing your heart and for writing the hard posts.

Sarah{Handbags*N*Pigtails} - Hi Ashley. Don’t get me wrong, I think that your Little One is an incredibly brave and beautiful little lady now. But the day you posted her post op pics I actually cried. I think I felt that loss you describe above, and yet I’ve never even experienced this myself. I didn’t even understand what I was doing at the time. But I do “get it.” I missed her BEFORE look. And now Im getting used to her new look=)
She is such a sweet addition to your beautiful family and my heart swells with the thought of you and Chris. May the Lord bless you as you raise her as your own.

Victoria / Justice Pirate - She’s always been beautiful. She’ll always be beautiful. I know a little girl who was born with a cleft lip. I saw her with it and after her surgery, but she also had many other physical problems and will never grow taller than about 4 foot 5 and will always act like a little girl even though now she is nearly 12 years old but she acts and thinks like a 5 year old. I guess because I have known her for her entire life and it never bothered me, and because I was born partially deaf (but Jesus healed my awful hearing and awful speech in a dream when I was 5), I have always found beauty in everyone and their differences. I wonder now how my mom dealt with people questioning why I talked funny or why I didn’t respond well to sounds when I was a child. I never asked her about that. . .hmm. I just remember the looks on people’s faces and realizing that many laughed and mocked me, when I thought they were just being smiley and nice. . .but it wasn’t that way at all.

You’ve shared stuff like what is mentioned in this post before (about how hard it was to deal with her having a cleft and how you miss it sometimes). It was great though to read again and reflect on all of it.

Mignon - I want to thank you for the bravery and love I have seen in your posts. I have laughed, smiled, cried, and rejoiced with you, as well as prayed as little one joined your family.
I would like to ask if I may how one might appropriately respond when meeting a family in a situation like yours. Little one is and has been beautiful in my eyes. I would never want to give an incorrect impression or seem rude or unthinking. Could you help those of us who are not in your shoes?

RaD - I am sorry, dear friend, that I never shared what my son (then 10 years old) said about your beautiful babe. A few months just before her surgery, or even maybe soon after you were able to share that gorgeous face with the rest of us, I was reading your blog post. He happened to walk up behind me and notice your girl. His first response was “Awww… That’s a cute little girl! Who’s that?” (He always wants to know the stories behind the pictures). After explaining who she was, he remembered parts of her story, because we prayed for her to be able to come home quickly during our family prayers. Even now, if he sees me on your blog, will ask for updates on the “cute little girl from China with all the brothers”.

Holly - Thanks for such a hearfelt post. Some of us wear our scars on the outside and some of us wear them on the inside. I grew up as one of the stare-rs and pointers. My family wan’t that great about telling us how blessed we were to be typical. When I was a teacher i tried to empathize, but I’m not sure how genuine I really was. It took my best friend having a special needs child before I really got it. My mother was talking about her as though she were an imperfect object. Not a perfect baby made by our own Creator. Once I corrected my mom–out loud, in front of my other siblings–it made it so real to me.
Now when i see a special needs baby or child I always make myself go speak with them. Not because i am so awesome, but because i know that for every nice comment they get,there are 10,000 other people who make them feel uncomfortable.
As I have learned…be kind and be genuine.

Abbie - Hi Ashley!

I love your informative posts. I went to school with a kid with a repaired cleft lip and always wanted to know more. I have a question, I see a lot of children from China with a cleft lip/palette (your incubator posts for example). Is it more common among that ethnicity? Also, what are Little One’s challenges with solids? I know she is overcoming that but is it because of her palette or because she wasn’t introduced to them sooner? Annnnnd, because I’m super nosey, will you ever share her name? I’ve caught the boy’s names in various posts and I remember Firecracker’s announcement had her given name, I’d love to know Little One’s but of course I understand why you withhold it.

Thank you for sharing your courageous journey. I’ve been reading since just before Firecracker was born! Sending love and prayers always from Maine.

Nancy - I’m not sure if I commented on her beauty but I think what I have notice & been so thankful for was to see that sweet precious child learn & respond to love & care. My heart breaks for those in the world that do not feel loved. When I see those sweet little arms around your neck & can see the security & love she feels. That, sweet lady is absolutely beautiful to me. I’m so thankful she has all of you as her family and that you have her as family.

danielle - My 5 and 6yr old saw me reading an earlier post with little one. My 6yr old has such a tender heart and loves babies so much that he wanted to know all about her and was so happy that she was not hurt. I always worry about having these conversations in public because I do not want the person to feel bad at my sons questions. Thank you for giving me this oppertunity at home to discuss cleft lips with my boys. They were able to ask questions and I did not feel the need to hush them. They saw a post surgery picture and did not know who she was. My 6yr old is completely taken with her though and thinks she is very beauitful.

meg duerksen - i have never encountered anyone like you girl. the emotions you have are SO deep and raw. i love that about you.
and i love that baby girl.
i had never seen anything like that before and it helped me stretch too.
all good.
all precious.

allie - everyday I wish I knew little one’s name! her smile, the new one, the old one, doesn’t. matter. her beautiful face, the amazing hearts you and Chris have, and the genuine warmth of your words have changed my family. We are on a journey to adopt now and my daughters beg to get a brother who needs us, and could he please have a cleft lip? They saw nothing but happy baby in her smile and have a broader view of beauty forever.

rachelzana - I’ve been reading your blog for years and years, and I just had a feeling, deep down, as soon as you wrote on your blog that you were in the process of adopting a child from China with special needs that it was going to be a child with a cleft lip/palette, far, far before you wrote about what Little One’s special need actually was. I just somehow knew, and prayed. I remember so vividly the very first pictures you posted of Little One in China, and I was just felt SO happy for you and for your family, and I just loved that little lip from the start. What surprised me, though, was that it was only a matter of days, not even days, actually, before I didn’t really even notice Little One’s special smile in the pictures that you posted. Instead of her lip jumping out at my eyes, I saw her eyes and her smile just get bigger and bigger as she felt safer and safer, and it was so, so beautiful. Everything about every part of her was and is so beautiful. I could just see how much she was loved by looking at her pictures, and I loved seeing all the ways she was growing and changing. It kind of feels like I can just see right into her personality and who she is, and always could, and I thank you SO much for all that you have shared about your adoption experience. Adoption is so close to my heart, and I appreciate your family so much. I miss that cleft lip too! And I love to see how loved Little One is!

barbie newsome - This was so beautifully written. I felt as if you took the words from my heart and mind that I have been unable to express. I have twin boys both born with cleft lip and palate. Even after their surgery I still feel like people stare. I wonder how much of that is in my own head. It is wonderful that you adopted and your little one is and was beautiful with her wide smile and with her new smile. Thank you for sharing your story.

RachaelB - I truly cannot fathom adults whispering and pointing let alone using their fingers to imitate her cleft. I’m so sorry our world is so cruel.
She is and always has been beautiful.

Mary D. - You have a wonderful way with words. Thank you for sharing your story. It reminded me of all the emotions I went thru with my firstborn. He was born with a birth defect on his right foot. To me, he was perfect, but I knew he had to have surgery to correct it. When he was four months old, we took him for his first surgery. While waiting, I realized I didn’t take a picture of his foot. It caught me by such surprise. I didn’t realize how much I would miss kissing those feet – the way God made him. And when he came out of surgery, I was distraught at putting him thru the pain. I let them cut him. I let them hurt them. Strange emotions for I know they were helping him, but I miss his old self, just the same. I adore Little One’s original smile and I adore the new one now. No matter what, her true spirit will also shine thru, no matter the cover.

Kristi - So I kinda love how in almost every picture of you, you are either kissing or looking at or loving or squeezing your kids. Not just in this post…but in all of them. That rocks.

Tammia - You shared this so beautifully. I have always been a little disappointed that our daughter’s lip was repaired before we met her. I feel like I missed out on her “whole self.” I can’t tell her about her cleft lip, I wasn’t able to take a bunch of pictures or memorize every detail. Thank you for sharing this part of the journey. All your pictures of Little One are beautiful and I’ve enjoyed sharing them with my daughter, too.

Kate @ Songs Kate Sang - You know… there are days that I do wish He would hurry back so that we could all live in a place of kindness and safety and beauty. There are other days that I am ready for the fight, but I know a mamma’s heart can feel so protective sometimes.

Thank you for being you. I love how you challenge me.

Hugs.

kiki - Beautifully written! Thank you for writing this post and for just exposing the fact that our world is so driven by outward appearances and that we really need to view others as beautiful, because that’s exactly how God created us to be! As someone with many acne scars on her face, my complexion has always been something I’ve struggled with. I’ve felt similar stares from strangers and I’ve definitely had my self-conscious days. But my scars, as you’ve mentioned, tell a story and for that I’m grateful for. And I know you’ve probably seen those Dove commercials all over facebook and the like, but I just wanted to say that this post really goes with that and I wanted to thank you for always writing honestly and beautifully, too!

Sadee Schilling - “A scar takes place after healing. I am thankful for pain, for the need to be healed and the scar that marks that healing. I hope and pray my scar is big, nasty and gnarly. I hope it never fades. I needed to be changed in this way.”

Beautiful! Thanks for your vulnerability today, Ashley!

anja - dear ashley, what a great post! You (as usual) chose the right words, your intention is really so clearly showing. Through the past year, especially the last 6 months, your blog has been a sweet love letter to your adorable daughter, most intense the first time with her and of course her *old* smile. So you introduce the world to this kind of beauty. You show everyone through your great pictures and your amazing point of view the beauty within looking-bit-different! and set thoughts like semen in people that surely grow.
There are sooo many people here (me included), who find your daughter in person adorable from the first picture. And yes, it changed me and my angle on so many things and points of view a lot! Weird but true.
You’re handling it all so great – I know from my own (very different but somehow similar) experience how others response on you and your kid can make you oh so sad. But the way you show your life through this blog is so positive and happy! it takes a lot of sunshine inside to not let the bitter feelings dominate your mood. You are really, really adorable yourself!!

K - Wow! I only just found your blog and this is the first post I read – and it had me in tears!

I haven’t faced the same thing you have; my son though, had a condition when he was younger that meant he literally squeaked every time he breathed – whether he was awake, asleep, eating or just sitting – but it was all day and all night long, and got much worse when he was tired or sick.
For most parents with children- they long for the sound of silence; for us, that meant that my son had stopped breathing – and often did, at that, due to another medical condition.
I was often stopped in shops where people would point out to me that though they could not see him as he was often under a draped cover asleep, my child was crying or trying to get my attention (they pointed this out usually when at the end of their patience with the repetitive noise or my perceived ignorance towards my son’s endeavours), and I had to calmly tell them that actually, my son is asleep and this is just the sound he makes when breathing… which obvsiously then led to probing (and understandably curious) questions as to why he was like that.
He had 3 surgeries (at 7, 11 and 15 weeks old) and people would constantly comment on how much better he was doing – but they weren’t the ones that had to see him be operated on, prodded and probed by doctors, nurses, needles, cannulas, etc.
My son even now at 2.5 years old, has to have a CPAP machine and mask attached to him every time he sleeps – something that I’m stoked to say doesn’t make him self-conscious but proud (it’s his “fighter pilot” mask).
I don’t feel like I am superior to others at all, but I do feel like the experience gave me empathy and insight that maybe not others have had – and I feel blessed for it. I hope that my child will feel the same as he grows older.
Thank you for writing this post. It’s always good to be reminded of how open, welcoming and engaging we are with others – especially kids and I’m thankful that you had the courage to write honestly of your thoughts and feelings.
You’re doing an amazing job!

Gina - Hi Ashley,

I just wanted to start of by saying thank you.

I live in the UK, and am 18 years old. A few years ago, I was informed I would never have children, due to various health issues. Around the same time, I was directed to your blog by a friend.

At the time, I was struggling with my inability to have children, as was my family. My mum was devastated. However, through reading your blog, seeing your story of adopting your gorgeous little girl, and more than anything seeing your eternally positive mindset, I knew that things would be better. Your story also led me to God, and I embraced the fact that He had a different path for me – adoption.

However, my mum disagreed. She made several hurtful comments, about being unable to love any child I adopted, and how my sisters own children would always come first. These are issues I am still coming to terms with.

But I showed her your blog. And slowly, she is coming around to the idea that my inability to have children is simply God’s way of giving me a different path.

So thank you. You led me to God, and through that have changed my life. You have given me hope for my future, and seeing the bond you share with your little one has made me so excited to begin my own journey. But beyond this, you have helped my mum understand the beauty of adoption. So thank you eternally for all you have done for me.

Best wishes to you and your family xx

Angela - Thank you for sharing! I love your response today, “Just smile!” That sums it up doesn’t it. Especially as a Christian, I should share the joy of Christ with those I encounter. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical difference, a different religion, a different sports team!…. I should see those around me as God’s beautiful creation! We are ALL precious in HIS sight!

I love your heart and I appreciate your sharing your journey with us. I share your blog with my kids (boy – 11 and girl – 9) so they can understand that though we are not all the same, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made!

Linda - Sharing yourself so beautifully, scars and all–amazing! You have touched and probably helped so many people today. I thank God for your heart, your daughter and both kinds of beauty–physical and spiritual. May God continue to bless you!

Alice H - Your daughter was and is beautiful. I have never seen her as just having a cleft lip because I have never seen her through anything but your eyes and your kids eyes. I bet those stares were hard but you made it thru. You are strong and she will be strong because of you!

Also on another note, my niece burner her hand really bad when she was 8 months old. It was a 3rd degree burn and she had to have a skin graft. It really broke my heart when I was at one her birthday parties (I think it was her 7th) at the skating rink and McKenna went to hold her friends hand and her friend said “ew I don’t want to touch your ugly hand”. I wanted to slap that little girl so bad but my niece just said “its not ugly, its a burn, but you can hold my other hand instead”. Anyways, eventually Little One will be able to stand up for herself and you will give her the tools she needs to do so if anyone ever says anything mean to her.

mandi@herbanhomestead - Gosh Ashley, I had no idea! I guess I just assumed that we live in a progressive enough culture that people are so…cruel. That’s naive, I see now. I’m sorry that the time that should have been all about joy for you guys (bringing your daughter home), was marked with such cruelty and hardship. She, just like your other kiddos, is (and always has been) gorgeous.
{{{hugs}}}

Alison - Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL. If I saw you in a grocery store I would have a really hard time not pinching those adorable cheeks and that adorable nose. So so so so CUTE!!!

Jessica - I have a little girl who is a congenital quadruple amputee, so we’ve been know to put more than a few heads on swivel too. There is much kindness and there has been much hurt. The playground in particular seems to be our nemesis.

As hard as it can be to deal with the hurt, we have experienced the beauty of that pain. It isn’t beautiful in that moment, but grace comes from the hard, resilience comes from the ruddy, unculled moments.

May each of those hard moments be turned into future blessings for you and your kids.

Whitney - I read this yesterday and thought about it for a while.

My four year old son was born with a cleft that looked a lot like your daughter’s (maybe it was bigger).

We knew from my sonogram that he had it, but it was still a shock. he looked so different than I was expecting, but he was beautiful and mine. He was “normal” to me and we didn’t think much about it until people would say something in public. Honestly, the worst experience was with older adults, including one family member. I remember kids asking questions to make sure he was okay, but they were so different. They wanted to care, not to ostracize. His lip was repaired just a few short months later. Recently, I found a video of him before the repair. In it, he was smiling and laughing. His smile is so wide, so happy, that it just made my heart burst. He was so perfect, even then!

Now, of course, cleft isn’t a part of our lives anymore. It’s completely unnoticeable and has no effects, which we’re grateful for. About a year ago, we were at IKEA when I saw a little baby boy who had an almost identical cleft.

He smiled his big, radiant smile at me, and he was so beautiful, I was just in awe! I couldn’t get over it. Even now, I start crying when I think about that baby.

Yes, your daughter’s shoes or clothes are cute, but really, she’s beautiful and perfect.

Sharon Long - I loved this post, because it is so true that everything seems to be defined by your outer looks and not your inner self. Little One is an amazing child, but I think her mama is just as amazing!

Sarah - I’ve stumbled upon your blogs a couple times during the past few months and every time it’s moved me to tears. You have such a beautiful family with a beautiful story to share. Your daughter is beautiful, and she was before her surgery too. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerable beating heart with us.

Hannahbelle - I have a dear friend who is 24 and was born with a cleft lip. He is not adopted, he was born in the USA, and his family got him great medical treatment and surgery — like your baby girl, his scar remains and his facial structure is slightly different that that of other people’s because of the scar and reconstruction.

I met him in college and we formed a quick friendship and flirted a lot — many of our friends thought that we would end up dating but we never did. I think part of it was that at the age of 20, I just couldn’t get past what my idea of handsome was to see who he was even with the scar. In total truth, I didn’t deserve him. He is such a special person — hilarious, kind, empathetic, brave. He is a man who believes in justice and equality and cares about people deeply. He is a man who any woman would be proud to have as a son, friend, brother, father or husband. I was too young and too shallow to realize what I had nearby me. As we have grown older, he and I have kept our friendship and we are still very close. He is still the amazing person that I know and love dearly as a friend, and I have come to see how handsome he truly is over time. We are not together, he has since moved on to women who are more perceptive than I was, I think

I guess what I’m trying to say is that your daughter will face challenges because of her scar, but perhaps she will be one of the best people in the world for it. Even though I consider myself a good person, I had to grow into that person, and people like my friend changed and molded me along the way. I think your daughter has a unique opportunity to teach others a lesson in beauty simply by existing and being present in their lives. People will learn how to appreciate her physical beauty and her inner beauty, perhaps even more readily than others, because of her scar. And the people who love her most will be the very best kind of people.

Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story and thank you for reminding me of my own. I’m going to call my friend and tell him how special he is to me.

Stacy - Beautiful post! Our oldest daughter has multiple disabilities and is in a wheelchair. We have always gotten lots of stares when we go out. I used to love just staying at home with her because everything was “normal” there – nobody pointing out all that she couldn’t do or asking why she has her mouth open, is drooling, can’t talk, etc. Now we 4 have boys that were adopted – they are Hispanic and I am a blue-eyed blonde. We continue to get lots of stares about the composition and size of our family (7 kids) but now I just smile and pretend that they are jealous of us. Makes me chuckle inside everytime somebody stares!

Midwest Magnolia - Melissa Lewis - Thank you Ashley. Thank you for opening your heart to us, knowing that each thought will be examined and scrutinized by some. It had to have been difficult to post something so vulnerable and so precious to your heart. The act of simply pushing the “publish” button had to have taken quite a bit of courage and strength. Thank you, yet again, for being vulnerable and opening up your heart to the world. What a blessing it is to read these posts.
Little One is absolutely beautiful and her smile (the before and the after) radiates Gods goodness! ~ ~Melissa

whittakerwoman - Loved that you wrote this. Loved every detail and truth to you. Sorry that you had to update. Sometimes people need to look at the heart of the article not the details. I am pumped to hang out next week! H

Tawnya Smith - Ashley – just had to say that your daughter, and your journey in bringing her home has even changed ME. I can whole-heartedly say that I have seen the beauty in her, her cleft lip, and all of who she is from the day you first showed us her pictures, and a large part of that is because you brought us into your journey, and it brought me to an open “safe” place of being able to see your Little One who happened to have a cleft palate. I’ve never known anyone whose had one, and I’ve never had the chance to “stare”, but could safely do that through a computer screen….except more in wonder, and amazement, and to see the beauty from God in her. I guess I’m trying to convey that you have made a difference in showing people the beauty, and when I see pictures of Little One (before and after surgery), I can’t stop looking at that beautiful face! So thanks for allowing us into your journey – and thanks for writing such a hard post – God’s spirit shines through you to so many!

Libby - Hi Ashley. Another cleft mom shared this with me and I’m so glad she did. I would have killed to read something that made me feel so connected to another mother when my son was born with bi-lateral cleft lip (and palate) seven years ago. He also had an extra thumb on his right hand, something that appears to have been completely unrelated. I relate so clearly to all of your mixed emotions in those months pre-surgery…especially the fear and longing for the pre-surgery smile. As much as we wanted him to be viewed by strangers as “just another cute baby” I also had fallen in love with his perfectly “unrepaired” self. I mourned the loss of the baby as I knew him just as I celebrated our amazing surgeon (Dr. Vicari At Children’s in Chicago). It all felt so hard.

Today, Eli’s only experience with being a cleft kid are the occasional questions about “why is your lip so bumpy?” (which he hates) and the special orthodontist we see at the craniofacial clinic. We’re looking at a bone graft in the next few years, so that will bring another round of learning for us as a family. Holding you close in my heart and feeling so grateful for the words you’ve given for what’s in my heart. xo

Sue - Hello Ashley! Your story is beautiful…. Your spirit and courage are a wonderful gift for a child born with a cleft. That alone will fade her scar physically and emotionally.

I was born with a cleft lip and partial cleft palate 48 years ago. I can count on one hand the number of times anyone even asked me “what happened” to my lip. I never thought about it — none of my siblings, classmates, or anyone ever mocked it. I wish the same for your Little One, and believe she will have a wonderful life!

Keshet Starr - Can I just say you did such a good job of showing us her soul in your blog posts. I saw her soul clearly she was never anything but beautiful to me:)

Claire - thank you for your post; I just discover your blogg via “a beautifull mess” that I follow since 2 years; I’m a swiss woman and I have a cleft lip too. I totally understand what you feel because my mother feel exactely the same; even today she still suffering about it; in fact I think father/mother suffer more than the child because they see everything but canno’t do anything to protect their child. I want to tell you that the life is not so hard with a scar on the face; I taked time to be ok with that but now, when people look at my lip or my scar or ask my if a had an accident it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I’m a mother of a boy, he has no problem at all.
So enjoy the life with your pretty baby girl ! (Sorry for the mistake)

Jorge Castro - The family, sports, i love my family, is the base of the world!!!!

Rose E. - It used to be that when I saw the pictures in magazines of children with cleft lips, I would quickly flip past because those pictures actually frightened me. But now, because of you, I see children with cleft lips and just think what little cutie pies they are.

Anissa - I came across your website looking for washi tape. I am a mother to a now 18 yr old bilateral cleft lip and palate daughter who is the most gorgeous girl inside and out.I was so inspired by your stories.I remember people used to look at my daughter when we went out.My heart is with you.Keep smiling.

Anissa
Brisbane
Australia

Jana Brown - Ashley, your daughter is truly beautiful. I must confess, I was stunned by the initial pictures of her — taken aback at the cleft. I was a labor nurse for 7 years, and saw some babies born with clefts, but something about the pictures on your blog was hard to see. I want you to know that through your blog, I have had the blessing of learning to see true beauty. I’ve had opportunities to talk to my girls about true beauty, since they have seen the pictures as well. And we are all better for it. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your journey, and may the Lord continue to bless your beautiful family.

shannon conway - Hi Ashley I have been reading your blog for sometime now. A friend of mine, sent me your link and said I should start following you. My daughter was born with a cleft palate. It as been hard and we have hadto learn how do feed her AMD sooth her.

Jenn Hays - What a beautiful and well written post. I feel it is so important for adoptive families to talk about the hard parts of adoption so healing and support can take place. Much love to you from one adoptive mom to another!

Ginette - Ashley, I so badly want to tell you this, but at the same time fear that it won’t be taken the way I mean it. So I guess I will just ask that you read this knowing I mean it with love wrapped in kindness. And I pray that it in know way breaks your heart to hear my authenticity.

I have always had trouble looking at cleft lips. We would receive pictures of children with clefts in the mail, and it was so hard for me to look past the cleft and see that child’s beauty. I sure if I saw a child with one in real life, I would stare, or look away.

Then I met Little One through your blog….and I fell in love with her. I was able for the first time in my life to look a child with a cleft and see them as beautiful. I see her clefty smile (as I think you have called it) and it is the most stunning, radiant, sunshine smile I have ever seen. Truly. I feel like I have never in my life seen such a glowing smile as her clefty smile. My heart is full when I see pictures of Little One and I wish I could hug her, meet her, hold her, and smile with her. Every time I saw you post a picture of her smile, I would smile with her…it is contagious. When she went in to get surgery, I was so surprised that I too, like you, felt sad to see her clefty smile go. I miss it too. And I have never even met her…

What amazes me is that I know it was your love, your sharing your journey, your Little One, all changed me…forever. I know that I will be able to look at children with clefts now and see them as beautiful as they really are. That I won’t stare or look away, but just see them as a child. I love that you gave me that. So I guess I just wanted to write all this to say thank you. And thank you for sharing this post, and sharing your heart with all of us. Thank you.

Quentin - Being a 17 yo cleftee, I always resented my parents for bringin’ me to life.
Now that I saw your post, I understand better the feeling a parent can have on the matter.
Thank you for this beautiful post.