Stirring oatmeal and jotting down a list in my notebook, my daughter walked up and asked me what I was writing.
A few moments earlier I was thinking about how the same things rob my joy over and over again. Why do I let that happen? Same stuff. It is typically things that ultimately lead me to feeling like I’m lacking in something…not enough as a wife, mom, friend, photographer, business owner, the list goes on. Usually it is somehow related to thinking someone else is enough in one of those categories. So, stirring that oatmeal I decided to list out the top things that lead me to feel like I’m not enough or just make me feel yucky inside. Maybe in the physical act of thinking through them and writing them down I could be more proactive in how I battle those things in my life.
She asked what I was writing down. I told her I was making a list of things that make me feel yucky inside. Yucky is a word we both understand. Then she asked what makes me feel yucky. After I shared my list (in a way that made sense to her), she shared the things that make her feel yucky too. Together we are going to fight the yucky and hold tight to the joy. The joy is always there, it is just up to me if I let the yucky drown it out.
I often think other moms somehow manage peaceful, tranquil moments in busy homes. Maybe they do. But, that is not my reality. My reality is while I was having my deep thoughts, making my list and chatting with my daughter, it was all done to the soundtrack of my boys were pummeling each other with pillows in the living room. The boys’ room is under construction, so they are living in the living room for a time (send help!). I once thought I needed solitude to think. It sure is much easier in the quiet and I do recharge in the solitude, but I’ve learned to function in noise and activity. Especially LOUD noise and rambunctious activity!