It was the Friday before Mother’s Day – 4 1/2 years ago. I was 12 weeks pregnant with our second child and we were so excited to visit the doctor. We were looking forward to seeing the baby moving all over again and couldn’t wait to hear that fast heartbeat again. We sat down in the exam room with smiles on our faces and the doctor began the ultrasound. Quickly I knew something was wrong. The baby wasn’t moving and there was no heartbeat to hear. We left the office numb and I spent Mother’s Day knowing the little one inside had passed.
Fast forward several months and I found myself crippled with fear and unable to fully rejoice in the baby I was now 8 weeks pregnant with. The fear immoblized me. A bit reluctantly I attended a women’s conference with friends and during that weekend made the decision to walk in faith and trust my God with the pregnancy – whatever the outcome would be. I had made the decision to begin sharing the news of the pregnancy with friends and family. As we began the trip home, my body began to show signs of a possible miscarriage again. I chose to trust my very trustworthy God and not be consumed by fear. Not to return to that place I had been in, but to be grateful for the child I was carrying – regardless of whether or not the pregnancy would end in a safe, healthy delivery.
Fast forward 4 years later and I found myself at a women’s conference again (my first one since that one I just mentioned). This time as I walked in the doors I was quickly reminded of that place of fear, but more than that I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. That little one I was so crippled by fear over losing now is a vibrant part of our family…and he has a little brother and a little sister. The outcome of that story could have been much different, but it wouldn’t have changed the trustworthiness of my God.
My boy.
by AshleyAnn
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Caitlin - I wanted to say thank you for your posts. I’m reading this years after you posted, but I’m 7 weeks pregnant after having my first pregnancy end in a miscarriage 7 months ago. I’m right there. Fighting my fear, and trusting that the Lord has control over this baby too. And I will trust that whatever His plan is, it’s perfect. It’s hard to love this tiny thing growing in me fully, knowing my heart may be broken again, but just seeing the photo you posted of your healthy boy reminds me to have happy hope. Thanks for your heart for God. I love reading your posts & seeing that through your words.
Lesley - Thanks for posting this Ashley. I read it the first day you put it up – at work, in tears. Every time I come back to leave a comment, I get all teary again and just leave. Today, I skipped reading it, knowing what it said, and just wanted to tell you thank you for sharing, it was much needed for me.
heidi - this post is something i needed very much.
thank you.
Jessica Butler - Ashley,
How do you make your pictures “glow?” Is it simply natural light and camera settings or is it a photoshop feature?
shelby rice - I just stumbled upon your site. Your work is absolutely inspiring, and I thought it was fun you are also from the Tulsa area! As a newlywed, I have recently been thinking about beginning the baby process and found your post inspiring. I (like I am sure many other women) have always feared miscarriage, and was inspired by your trust in the Lord. You are right- He is faithful and trustworthy, even when we experience pain. Thanks for sharing.
Amanda - I love your Blog, your Photography and how you share your love and trust in the Lord. Thank you for being such an insperation to me. You have a beautiful family!
Jeannette Swan - Thank you for sharing. I understand completely! There is something special about the baby that follows a miscarriage, I often think about how Noble and Corban would not be exactly who they are if they hadn’t followed a miscarriage. Your heart always has a place for those babies that were lost, but is also so joyful for the sweet lives that followed!! God is good to restore!!
the inadvertent farmer - I miscarried on Mother’s Day 4 years ago..I know have a 2.5 year old boy that I am thankful for every single day. Yes we need to remember that God has a plan for our lives and a reason for everything that happens, even if we don’t know what it is right now. Thanks for sharing, you little guy is darling! Kim
Sunshine Burns - I’m a new reader but have been encouraged and challenged by your creativity! It is a blessing to connect with someone I’ve never met and it’s so neat to see how the Lord is using your passions for business and giving you a voice to proclaim His faithfulness in your life! He give and takes away- my heart will chose to say- Blessed be Your name!
juneypie - i am thankful that i have never been in that place of fear and grief, our good Lord knows that that’s one burden that i cannot carry. all my sisters-in-law had miscarriages though, and i see in their eyes the fear of going through that again when they fall pregnant the second time.
my prayer group leader once said that we should all tell everyone about our pregnancies as soon as we know about it, and should embrace the happiness that comes with it. if there will be a miscarriage, at least for everyday that the baby was inside in your womb, it knows that it was wanted.
i always share that with all the pregnant women i meet. life is such a wonderful gift. and with Christmas, the life of Christ is OUR gift from Him above. Merry Christmas!
Lacy - I love the pictures.
And… this post made me cry in a I-resonate-with-you kind of way.
A good kind of way.
Thank you for sharing.
Jaimie - he looks like quite the little character. : )
Melissa - A great reminder to us that our God is Faithfull! your family and beautiful:) you are truly blessed
Shanalea - You are so right. My first pregnancy (which occured after a month of being married) was unsettling, but I learned to deal with it and then miscarried. The fear of each pregnancy after that one has been very real. I remember not wanting to let people know because of that, but each time God has been faithful. Both #1 son and #2 son came with no surprises. Then to have a birth of my #3 son to be so traumatic. I had to go back to trusting that God was faithful. I am happy to say that #4 son was very uneventful and wonderful. God is good.
Allison - You are so right! What a sweet boy to be grateful for
a pocket full of posies - Thank you so much for sharing your sweet heart…and giving our Father the glory! What a Blessing! It is so hard to loose something you love so much…but resting in the knowledge that they are waiting for us with our Heavenly Father and we will meet again helps heal a bit of the broken heart.
Many Blessings!
Jill
Christian T - Thank you for sharing your story… A very similar thing happened to me. In fact, I think our boys have the same birthday – April 13th. Thank God for my boy… I love him so much and know God has a plan for our family.
meg duerksen - i think almost every woman i know has a story like this. it’s so hard to go through…but such a growing time too.
love your honesty.
you are truly blessed.
ashlee - I have been in that place 5 different times, and out of those 5 i got to keep 2 of those sweet babies, Lucas and Mercy. My Father got to keep the others:) and even though it was so very hard to let go, He is the same yesterday, today and forever…He loves me no matter what!
Rachel - Thank you God for your relentless love, your deep-rooted joy, and your miraculous peace. You know who we are and what we need. Oh, that we might know that too.
Christina - Thanks for your transparency. And BTW, your kids are too cute!!!
Trinity - Thanks Ashley for using your experiences, both joyful and difficult to honor the Lord and point others to Him!